Multi Purpose
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- Posts: 101
- Joined: Tue Mar 23, 2010 11:21 pm
- Location: Cheshire
I find it makes a handy filler for breakfast cereal. Or you could try adding raisins and a silver sixpence at Christmas, this has always been a real winner in our household. Covering oneself in Treacle then rolling in compost makes good camouflage in the Autumn when hunting Bears. When mixed with Lime and Paraquat it makes a wonderful exfoliant but, do make sure that you keep this and the Christmas cake mix in different coloured jars. Also the unusual aroma that exudes from this particular combination has a tendancy to create a hightened state of arousal in male Bears- somewhat difficult if you find yourself cornered in a cave with one. In this situation I have found it beneficial to carry a small can of yellow paint which, when daubed over the compost in an irregular manner provides the impression of a small swarm of hornets thus distracting the bear just long enough to allow exit from the enclosure. A folding micro scooter at this stage has in the past proven to be useful. I must point out at this stage that these tactics only work about 50% of the time
Once when I was even fatter than I am now I constructed a homemade sauna. I say sauna it actually involved me smearing myself in runny honey and then rolling myself in compost and then wrapping myself entirely in cling film (ensuring I stuck two drinking straws up my nostrils to enable breathing) and sitting in the greenhouse.
The compost certain provided the warmth to induce sweating but I had neglected to seal the greenhouse door with ducktape and the ants became a bit of an irrititant.
Unfortunately I forgot I'd arranged for the vicar to pop round my garden and collect some plants for the church fete.
That was a bit awkward, especially when he got aroused
The compost certain provided the warmth to induce sweating but I had neglected to seal the greenhouse door with ducktape and the ants became a bit of an irrititant.
Unfortunately I forgot I'd arranged for the vicar to pop round my garden and collect some plants for the church fete.
That was a bit awkward, especially when he got aroused
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- Posts: 1480
- Joined: Tue May 25, 2004 8:31 am
- Location: Peterborough
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Fup Duck tape I assume?but I had neglected to seal the greenhouse door with ducktape
All spelling errors are intentional and are there to show new and improved ways of spelling old words. Grammatical errors are due to too many English classes/teachers.
Old. Fat. Slow. Bad tempered. And those are my good points
Old. Fat. Slow. Bad tempered. And those are my good points
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- Posts: 101
- Joined: Tue Mar 23, 2010 11:21 pm
- Location: Cheshire