Something in the water !! - rants and raves

kendall chew · Post by **kendall chew** » Mon Oct 11, 2010 7:10 am

On Saturday night I had a dream. I had managed to genetically modefy a commonal garden frog. I changed its colour to purple and made it velcro. The only problem is that I can only think of two commercial uses for them, that being to be used as an accoutrement for ladies fluffy pullovers, the other is to give to small children who might get upset if their pet has a tendancy to run away. If we are to help British manufacturing get back on its feet then I need to expand the possibilities. Your help is needed. ( I do not think that any of this has anything to do with the bottles of Old speckled hen I had that night)

Fup Duck · Post by **Fup Duck** » Mon Oct 11, 2010 11:23 am

Frog Pitching

Cover a wall in velcro and hurl frogs at it at high speed
Better still
Extreme Slalom - wear a velcro PFD marked out with a target and a velcro covered helmet.
Then as well as negotiating the gates clubmates can hurl the frogs at you from the bank and if they are on target they points on the target can be deducted in seconds from your run time i.e. 5, 10, 15 or twenty for the bullseye. Frogs still adhering to the helmet (that makes me feel a little sick) would count as a 50 second deduction
I would suggest that each club is presented with a bucket of 300 frogs each day and that 20% of those should be fitted with a time delay minor explosive device - if you catch one of these you are disqualified from the run on detonation- unless it's a dud then you are automatically pronounced winner. If two paddlers catch a dud the compete in a frog off

General Flangecustard · Post by **General Flangecustard** » Mon Oct 11, 2010 8:47 pm

Kendal,
Have you thought about going in front of the dragons and pitching the "pet that cannot escape" to them?

Canadian Paddler · Post by **Canadian Paddler** » Mon Oct 11, 2010 9:22 pm

Will they have to wear velcro and catch the frogs pitched at them?

Fup Duck · Post by **Fup Duck** » Mon Oct 11, 2010 11:35 pm

Frog Pitching could also be covering frogs in a sticky black tar-like substance. As they can already swim they could be released into BP oil spills the oil would stick to them thus alleviating damage to wildlife - except the frogs who I imagine would be quite wild if you covered them in tar.

Fup Duck · Post by **Fup Duck** » Tue Oct 12, 2010 2:46 pm

I've taken some time out of my busy schedule and devoted some thought to KC's (Didn't he used to front a band in the 80's) visionary dream.
I'm thinking it could be expanded out to be fair to all indigenous wildlife.
How about taking a vole and modifying it's skin with that green you could get years ago. I recall that was quite adhesive. If you built in a luminous strobe quality and trained the voles to flash when touched using electric shock as an incentive i.e. if they flash they get given vole food. If they don't they get another shock.
The adhesive quality could then be used to link 105 voles together in a line and slalom poles could be replaced by flashing multi-voles. The brilliance of this is that voles rhymes with poles so it's meant to be.

Or if we are going to modify them anyway why not use one elongated giant flashing vole. It's a long time since I used that phrase.

Let's keep this going before anyone reveals that it was in fact me wearing my giant purple sticky frog costume. I though I might as well use it - I haven't worn it since my wedding. The pictures were a shame as who knew the mother-in-law would wear the same

kendall chew · Post by **kendall chew** » Thu Oct 14, 2010 4:15 pm

Did I mention the self replicating dayglo scorpions?

Fup Duck · Post by **Fup Duck** » Thu Oct 14, 2010 4:30 pm

Bloody #### no you didn't this affects the whole thread, what were you thinking of. I feel foolish now. I need to go away an ponder this further.

Now I know why you had a dayglo lightstick in your first aid kit

If you can insert a dayglo stick in a scorpion I doff my cap to you

kendall chew · Post by **kendall chew** » Thu Oct 14, 2010 6:43 pm

Rutherford never had problems like this. I thought that the golsticks in my firstaid kit were to be ingested in an emergency so that the nice man in the helicopter could see me at night, or when I was hiding in dark places ( like my mind).

My latest invention is a cell 'phone. I call it the Raspberry, It has a rather novel ringtone.

Fup Duck · Post by **Fup Duck** » Thu Oct 14, 2010 8:27 pm

Careful now, you are bordering between genius and total madness. If you stray into the realm of madness we could meet up

kendall chew · Post by **kendall chew** » Thu Oct 14, 2010 9:19 pm

your cell or mine ?

Fup Duck · Post by **Fup Duck** » Fri Oct 15, 2010 9:11 am

the walls are soft in mine and though only give me wax crayons.